Limerick

The American people caught snoozing
bread and circuses we're overusing
live with federal oppression
or consider secession
I know the option I'd be choosing

Here are 3 of the entries I made into the Doritos Superbowl contest

Table of food stupifying
more food actively frying
I want the chips
I don't need the dips
Doritos - good without trying

Hide the bag of Doritos
render it incognito
If it's discovered
the bag will be plundered
sucked dry by hungry mosquitos

Quarterback acceleration
Excessive touchdown celebration
A bag of Doritos
Shared with amigos
Victory marks the occasion

Most people think limericks are dirty
If they've heard one they've heard thirty
There's a man from Nantucket
sometimes he can suck it
I prefer limericks more nerdy

Cruz, Rubio, Carson and Trump
every darn one is a chump
two talk like their zombies
one might be a donkey
and the other a political runt

I founded this group writing limericks
although it's silly, I stick with it
I'm a daily poem vendor
that is, if I remember
with luck I'm not writing gibberish

(To a relative on her birthday)

Everyone gives you bland birthday wishes
Mine's a poem that'll leave you in stitches
Too bad it's a workday
do they know it's your birthday?
Why do you work for those sonsofbitches?

Jeff's birthday card. Transcribed:

A Crotchety Old Limerick

I'm roasting your age for fun
It's fun because I'm not the one
To remind you got roasted
I made you a post-it
It says "Stick a fork in me I'M DONE"

The last post was extraordinary
a group change became necessary
to prevent party disclosure
required a closure
This change is just temporary

As my oldest brother turns fifty
his hair has turned a bit wispy
we'll laugh extra hearty
while we drink at his party
and he'll roast until extra crispy